Sometimes...

Sometimes being back home feels so incredibly stagnant it makes me want to stab myself in the foot. Or other times I'll walk around and wonder why everyone speaks English...

...yeah, I think I've reached my Nashville limit for the month. It's time for me to stop what I'm doing, get in the car and just drive. Sadly as the summer session classes start next week and I work aaaaaaall this weekend, I don't see that happening anytime soon...

...I should hide all of the pointy objects from myself. Though happily things with the jobs are picking up. It's amazing how difficult it is to save up money here in the states. Abroad I pretty much paid off a third of my undergrad loans in a year. I could have paid off more but I enjoyed partying. Not to mention the serious won I threw down to foster and take care of four animals and my penchant for across Seoul cab rides.

This thought process inevitably leads me back to the reasons why I am back in Nashville in the first place. I have to confront the real reason I returned home. Love.

I was never one of those girls who fantasized about marriage and life with a husband and kids. Hell, I'm still not. Companionship sounds great but I don't know about the actual act of getting married. And I love children. I couldn't be a teacher...well, a good one...if I didn't. I plan to adopt in the future. I'm just not too sure about the whole pregnancy and child birth. And the screaming nights...diapers...spit-ups...yeah. I've got a gajillion neices and nephews and younger sisters so I remember how it was when they were born and I'd stay over to help out. I was not impressed. But alas, I did think I had found my prince charming and so I returned leaving comfort, friends and a stable job behind...epic fail...like seriously.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I'm in grad school and getting my degree so that if I do decide to live out my life in the states I am certified to keep teaching. But I never imagined myself staying in Nashville or voluntarily moving back for anyone.

So...I forgot where I was going with all of this. Whatever. I'm here. I've been back for almost a year. I only have a year left of grad school and then I can peace out again. But for sure I'm never moving into an unsure situation just for love ever again...(I hope)...