Had one of the most god awful nights last night. I was supposed to go to a club and meet up with someone I met online. No not for sex or anything like that. Just for a "Hey let's hang out with our friends" kind of deal. I did see the guy but I was too chicken to actually approach and say hello. I'm quite a bit more shy than most people believe.
So before we even get in the club who is there....seriously, take a wild guess...
...my ex. Yeah, saw him and all my feelings of loneliness, low self-esteem, sadness, anger, everything just came bubbling up and I couldn't handle it. The girl who used to pride herself on being able to keep it together fell apart at the seams. Granted I kept it in until I got to a more private place. It just really hurt seeing him there. I thought that I had gotten over it all but I guess I need more time before seeing his face or someone who looks like him stops becoming so painful. How long should it take you to get over someone you were in love with?
I'm trying hard to figure things out, figure my life out. I guess a part of my problem is that I'm always looking for the bottom to fall out. I'm always waiting because then if it doesn't then I'll have a good surprise at the end. But that's obviously not a good way to be....
As I recall you were with him for a long period of time. In my experience the more time you invested with somebody the harder it is to just forget about it all and not be reactive to situations like this.
ReplyDeleteI dated a Chinese guy in college for 4.5 years and I think it took me about 2 years to be able to think about him and not feel dread and loss. To this day I still miss him sometimes but understand what happened more.
What helps the most with getting over someone is time of course. And focusing on something else in life. For me it was finishing college and deciding what to do in life...i.e. come to Korea.
And I kept the mantra that "while one door closes another opens".
Even though you wrote of how emotionally you fell apart that night I know you are a strong person and life will pull through.
;)