An emotional rant of sorts...

At different periods throughout my life I have dealt with depression. Sometimes I can tell when these feelings of sadness or even worse nothingness are about to occur. Most times however they come without warning. Those are the times that are the worst. Because sometimes I can't do anything about them. I'm having one of those moments now.

The day didn't start off terrible. Went to class. Enjoyed our discussion on reasons why the Latino/a population drops out of school and the different types of English education for non-native speakers in the U.S. However for the last few hours I have just been feeling blah. I decided to do some shopping. It is the vice I use when I feel this way. I set a limit and focus on seeing what I can find and still not hit that limit. Kind of like agame with myself to keep my mind occupied on other things. But today it didn't work. I felt even worse. I just feel...

Empty. Completely and utterly unfulfilled...and I know a bit why.

Despite what I say, this last break-up has hit me hard. The reasons he gave just sent my head into a nosedive. Combine that with coming home...well coming back to the town you used to live in and finding things changed doesn't help. Who are my friends? Who am I important to? I suppose these are questions everyone thinks about at one point in time. Everything going on is just getting compounded all at once and I don't feel like I have a safe place to hash out these feelings. Feelings of sadness, shame, ANGER...I am so angry. At him, at myself, at people who I think are my friends...

I just need someone who I can talk to about everything without feeling as if I have to sugarcoat things or worry about offending...